Is whiskey or rum the true spirit of cricket? Discuss

In the beginning was the word, and the word was Bazball.

Baz and the boys set out, like the fellowship from Rivendell, on an epic quest to save Test cricket from the dark lord Scoringratesoflessthanfouranover.

They had incredible adventures, besting all kinds of foes, despatching all manner of bowling to boundaries all across the known world. Though there were setbacks, Baz and the fellas stayed true, for righteous was their cause, and wall-to-wall was the media hype.

But then Alex Carey threw down the stumps after Jonny Bairstow left the crease to go talk to his batting partner before the over was called by the umpires, and now Baz won't even have a beer with the Aussies anymore.

Welcome to the Briefing.

The case for Alex Carey being charged under the Geneva Convention
- He's Australian, and they are known cheats, and historically, sheep thieves
- He threw the ball underarm (smoking gun)
- Bairstow tapped his back leg inside the crease to indicate that he believed the ball to be dead, and who is Carey to argue?
- England, the reigning ODI World champions, would never accept victory on a technicality
- Just look at his face

The case for Jonny Bairstow being a dopey dolt with on-field narcolepsy that he should immediately get looked at, the dope
- He's English, and they are known to act like the high and mighty moral arbiters of all that is moral, and also of what is arbitrary
- He tapped his back leg in the crease before the umpires called an over. Does he think he's better than them?
- Carey throwing the ball at the stumps is a normal thing that keepers do, which Bairstow should know, because he tried to get Marnus Labuschagne out the same way earlier in the match
- Carey's actions abided by the rules of play and did not cross "the line", which is not just an Australian way of talking about the spirit of cricket wow don't be dumb
- Just look at his face

Can you find an intellectual position in between these two extremes?
- No, you woke girlygirl. These are the only options.

The case for England and Australia not being a laughing stock to the rest of the cricket world
- You all make amazing points and should make them as strongly as possible going forward
- It's perfectly normal for grown men to have meltdowns of this magnitude in public
- Please keep going

Should we have a massive debate about the spirit of cricket then?
- Absolutely
- The spirit of cricket should be arrack, not rum, whiskey, or other contenders
- Arrack is great with ginger beer or ginger ale, and other soft drinks
- Also just great on ice
- Tends not to give you a hangover

The case for doing the next entry with bulletpoints even though it's a bit spicy
- It would look out of place in this particular column if not.
- Let's hope the readers buy the conceit

Was it cool to watch Ollie Robinson verbally go at Usman Khawaja, a brown Muslim man, knowing what we know about what Robinson said in public on social media in the past?
- Robinson has paid his dues
- He took his suspended period to introspect deep inside himself
- Deep inside himself he found stuff that he wants to loudly yell, which in regular society would count as abject abuse but for fast bowlers doesn't
- He said it to a brown Muslim player
- He also did it to white players, even if not as intensely
- It was incidental that Khawaja is both brown and Muslim
- It is incidental that Robinson said racist stuff in the past, and that as a non-white person, you may never trust his intentions
- Well, Robinson can't be blamed if Khawaja batted longer than anyone else and caused him more frustration, can he?
- Don't be stupid

- "Let's see you get up after that one, you p***k!" England team found mercilessly bashing the daylights out of a cricket ball in the nets, to "make sure it's dead".

- The Ashes helpfully produces more dumb controversies right at the time the Briefing needs to be written. (Deadline is 31 July. Please do it again, lads.)

- ESPNcricinfo editors heap plaudits on the Briefing for meeting deadlines so consistently and conscientiously.