V Kohlz, B Mac, Boom and Jay Lang win the only cricket trophies of 2022 that matter
We reveal the winners of the much coveted and fiercely contested Lollers for the year
Winner: Brendon McCullum
In the beginning was the word, and the word was Bazball. Like a cross between Buddha, Rambo and Bob Geldof, McCullum has set about saving the planet in the only way he knows how. In his case that means good vibes and tonking it - run towards the danger, be your authentic self. Playing for a draw? What would even be the point? Life is impermanent. Sixes over cow corner are forever.
Winner: Justin Langer and Australia Men
He was the old-school tough guy who wasn't afraid to show his spiritual side. They were the eager young bucks willing to do what it takes to win (so long as it doesn't involve sandpaper and/or fossil fuels). For a while it was Fifty Shades of (Baggy) Green as Australia romped to victory at the 2021 T20 World Cup, then indulged in some BDSM during another Ashes spanking. But it wasn't all whips and chains - or rather it was, and that's why JL eventually got chucked. Now the Australia men's team have a new guy in their life, and Langer can be heard loudly declaring he's cool with it.
Winner: Ramiz Raja
International cricket has been steadily returning to Pakistan, but there's one thing holding the operation back. Yes, that's right: pitches. (What did you think we were going to say?) Luckily Ramiz is on the case. Drop-in pitches could be a "quick, short-term solution" - although, coming from Australia, they were more like ship-in-at-great-expense pitches.
Winner: SLC
They produced popular LPL tournaments during the pandemic, which fans really got behind. This year, when spectators are allowed at stadiums, the LPL has been so low-key and poorly marketed and managed than previous seasons, no one is at the ground.
Winner: Virat Kohli
Is this a token prize, conceived simply to improve this column's chances of being read via Search Engine Optimisation? Would we stoop so low? No, we absolutely wouldn't. ESPNcricinfo is a bastion of journalistic integrity. We really loved Kohli's century for its own merits regardless of the clicks.
Winner: All of them
A crowded category, as everywhere from the USA to the Maldives attempts to blag some IPL sugar-daddy attention plus a fat broadcast deal for their sponsored maximums. Popping up like rogue cryptocurrencies, and with similar levels of financial due diligence, franchise leagues will soon have wallpapered over the schedule year-round. But why stop there? We look forward to the day when every major urban metropolis on earth has its own MI/Royals/Super Kings feeder team, and Danny Morrison's excited shrieks play on an endless loop. With a bit of luck, journalists will have been replaced by AI and the Light Roller will be on the (toxic waste-despoiled) beach!
Winner: Pakistan men's team
They sneaked into the knockouts of the T20 World Cup through the backest of doors. So far, one tick on the Pakistan-ing.
Winner: Jasprit Bumrah
Sure, Jonny Bairstow was tonking it around like an enraged honey badger, Marnus Labuschagne continued to gobble runs faster than cheese toasties, and Virat Kohli occasionally did a thing (see above). But the accolade for pure long-handled carnage can only go to one man, who took a record previously held by Brian Lara, when he strode out at No. 10 against England at Edgbaston and proceeded to Happy Gilmore 35 runs off a single over from Stuart Broad. Okay, so there were five wides, a no-ball and the sight of Bumrah falling over while hitting a four. But style matters less here than the pure Fast Bowler Batting Banter lulzzzz.
Winner: Zimbabwe vs Pak Bean
Hell hath no fury like a landlocked southern African country made to suffer the indignity of being entertained (some years ago) by a counterfeit Mr Bean. Imagine if Bangladesh sent their version of Crocodile Dundee to the Netherlands, or the Australian Ali G embarked on an ill-fated tour of Afghanistan. But weirder than that. Hollywood is already believed to be sniffing around a big-budget dramatisation - just don't think about suggesting Rowan Atkinson for the title role.
Alan Gardner is a deputy editor at ESPNcricinfo. Andrew Fidel Fernando is the site's Sri Lanka correspondent